“Am I not deserving of good in my life? Am I not deserving of peace in my life? I must have “abuse me” or “betray me” stamped on my forehead because the energy of abuse and betrayal follows me everywhere I go. I can’t seem to break the pattern.
Its roots go back to my childhood. I grew up in a violent, alcoholic and abusive environment. At the age of 14, I was taken out of my home and moved from one house to another, trying to find where I belonged. I went from one bad relationship and boyfriend to another trying to prove to myself that I was worthy and deserving of love. I married young, to a man I believed to be my “dream man.” But the dream devolved into a ten-year marriage that was rocky at best. The day he threatened to slash my face if I didn’t obey his command was the day, I decided to divorce him. I had finally had enough. I remember feeling so proud of myself for being strong, even though I wasn’t sure how I would support myself, the kids, or what our future would look like.
I made a promise to myself then, that I would do my best to create a good life for us. I promised to protect them and teach them as best I could. I promised that the next husband I married, if I was to ever marry again, would be kind, gentle, loving and supportive.”
– excerpt from
“The Prize In Your Pain”
by Lynn Vollmer